Quotes

PoaT+xkcd+www+blog = Fun!

Randall Munroe, creator of xkcd, blogged about the infamous Plane on a Treadmill problem from the perspective of how people interpret the problem differently, and how that leads to chaos in Internet “discussions.”  I enjoy the summary at the end:

So, people who go with interpretation #3 notice immediately that the plane cannot move and keep trying to condescendingly explain to the #2 crowd that nothing they say changes the basic facts of the problem. The #2 crowd is busy explaining to the #3 crowd that planes aren’t driven by their wheels. Of course, this being the internet, there’s also a #4 crowd loudly arguing that even if the plane was able to move, it couldn’t have been what hit the Pentagon.

All in all, it’s a lovely recipe for an internet argument, and it’s been had too many times. So let’s see if we can avoid that. I suggest posting stories about something that happened to you recently, and post nice things about other peoples’ stories. If you’re desperate to tell me that I’m wrong on the internet, don’t bother. I’ve snuck onto the plane into first class with the #5 crowd and we’re busy finding out how many cocktails they’ll serve while we’re waiting for the treadmill to start. God help us if, after the fourth round of drinks, someone brings up the two envelopes paradox.

It somehow reminds me of a great Simpsons quote, as a group of pirates are about to bury some treasure:

Captain, what if, instead of burying the treasure, we use it to buy things? You know, things we like?

Why Come They Ain’t Smart No More

I just watched the movie Idiocracy.  Two very average people get frozen for 500 years, and when they wake up they’re the smartest people left on Earth.

I have two complaints.

First, the movie opens with a shot of Earth as seen from space.  This just happens to be exactly (exactly) the same image I use as my desktop background, so the first 20 seconds of the movie made me wonder why the video wasn’t playing.  This may be unimportant to the larger audience.

Second, it was meant to be a comedy – and it had some funny jokes – but I’m pretty sure its premise is exactly right.  The film opens with a narrative about how the intelligent couples of the world are all busy having intelligent discussions about when to have children, while hillbilly Cletus who doesn’t understand birth control has a dozen children with three different women and his family tree flourishes.

With the natural forces of evolution no longer able to remove any but the most catastrophically stupid from the gene pool, it really is a question of who’s reproducing most.  The evidence is all around us.
Comedian Greg Giraldo does a great bit about letters that civil war soldiers – 17 year old kids – wrote home from the battlefield.  He recites an example:

My dearest Hannah,

This morn finds me wracked with the fiery pangs of your absence.  I’ll bear your cherished memory with me as I battle the forces of tyranny and oppression.

Then he speculates what letters from Gulf War soldiers must sound like:

Dear Marie,

It is hot as $%^ out here!  … It is very, very hot, and I am very, very sweety (sic).  It is very, very hot out here because I am in the dessert (sic).  What else did I wanna axe you?  Oh yeah!  Don’t $%^& nobody ’til I get back!

(And now let’s pause for a moment to reflect that “‘very very hot’ Civil War soldier” was just an awful choice of search string ot use when trying to find that quote.  Now Google thinks I’m gay, with a Civil War fetish.)

The movie gets no more than two stars for being funny, but five for obliterating all remaining hope for the future of humanity.

Tha Bestest Besties

Someone on “Yahoo! Answers” (as if Yahoo weren’t already completely obsolete) asked:

[I] purchesed (sic) a domain from 1&1, got the confirmation e-mail and everything. Well it says the status of my domain is “Domain registration is being requested” What exactly does that mean?…

Here, in its entirety, is the answer marked “Best Answer – Chosen by Voters” having earned three votes:

i dnt even know what a domain is. or what 1&1 is. sorry.

Nothing I could possibly say could embellish that statement in any way, so I’ll just leave it there to burn through your eyes to the back of your brain and haunt your nightmares.  I, masochist that I am, went on to read her profile:

i love volleyball basketball softball track cheerleading!!! my besties amanda meagan haley heide and kenzie are tha bestest besties. [emphasis mine] i luvv em so much. i love candy. but i like being healthy. my favorite drink is a shirly temple or dr pepper with a lemon squeez! so delish!!! im very talkative outgoing funny and fun to be around. yeup i dnt wanna brag or sound conceited to ill just stop. but thats all about me!!! tooooooodlesss!!!

Paraphrasing Josh Lyman: It’s “tha bestest besties” that makes it art.

Sophie is Cute (Exhibit F)

Sophie has started planning a lot lately.  After we told her we were going to Chili’s for lunch, for example, she announced that she’d be getting soup.  Then she began checking up on our dining plans periodically during the car ride there:

“Sophie get soup?”  Yep!  “Ben get soup?”  No, I want to get chicken.

Then a little later:

“Sophie get soup?”  Yep!  “Ben get chicken?”  Yep!

This tactic apparently lets her formulate her own plans based on ours.  At bedtime on Friday night, for instance, she checked up on our evening plans:

Sophie:  Mommy go night night?
Mommy:  Yep!  Mommy’s going night night.
Sophie:  Ben go night night?
Ben:  Yep!  Ben’s going night night.
Sophie: (decisively) Sophie watch Pooh!

At least now we know what she does after everyone else is asleep.

Sophie is Cute (Exhibit E)

On August 15th, at 6:18 pm, I stepped off the escalator into the terminal building at Denver International Airport.  The moment I turned the corner I saw a pink Sophie-shaped blur streaking toward me at her fastest possible speed carrying a gleeful grin and delivering an enormous hug.  That alone would have been worth the trip.

Then at 6:39 pm, as we sped down Peña Boulevard out of the airport, Sophie asked from the back seat, “Ben goes back home now?”

Apparently, even after all the excitement in advance of my visit, she would have been perfectly happy with a 21 minute appearance.

Of course, this did nothing to lessen her reaction as we sped back down Peña Boulevard on the return trip.  The moment the terminal drifted into view she adopted the same facial expression one would use after being slapped hard in the face and then kicked repeatedly in the shin.

An obviously fake yet earnest attempt at crying then lasted until we pulled up to the curb.  That’s when she changed tactics.  She just refused all offers of a hug goodbye, and to ward off any possibility of a goodbye kiss she even covered her mouth with her hand.

It turns out 21 minutes isn’t long enough after all, but I definitely feel appreciated