Tha Bestest Besties

Someone on “Yahoo! Answers” (as if Yahoo weren’t already completely obsolete) asked:

[I] purchesed (sic) a domain from 1&1, got the confirmation e-mail and everything. Well it says the status of my domain is “Domain registration is being requested” What exactly does that mean?…

Here, in its entirety, is the answer marked “Best Answer – Chosen by Voters” having earned three votes:

i dnt even know what a domain is. or what 1&1 is. sorry.

Nothing I could possibly say could embellish that statement in any way, so I’ll just leave it there to burn through your eyes to the back of your brain and haunt your nightmares.  I, masochist that I am, went on to read her profile:

i love volleyball basketball softball track cheerleading!!! my besties amanda meagan haley heide and kenzie are tha bestest besties. [emphasis mine] i luvv em so much. i love candy. but i like being healthy. my favorite drink is a shirly temple or dr pepper with a lemon squeez! so delish!!! im very talkative outgoing funny and fun to be around. yeup i dnt wanna brag or sound conceited to ill just stop. but thats all about me!!! tooooooodlesss!!!

Paraphrasing Josh Lyman: It’s “tha bestest besties” that makes it art.

4 thoughts on “Tha Bestest Besties

  1. Chris says:

    Why!? Why would you perpetuate such madness? Curiosity isn’t masochistic, but hitting the submit button on this post was sadistic. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to rinse my eyes with bleach.

  2. Ben says:

    C’mon, it’s a message on the Internet that contains the phrase “tha bestest besties.” That’s top quality merchandise right there!

    Plus, there’s a small but nonzero chance that Ms. Shelbs will find this post with a copy of her profile in it, and will realize that the whole of the Internet is quietly (and in this case not so quietly) mocking how awful her use of the English language is.

    If even one of these people sees that their language is not a mark of honor and fixes even one mistake (I might even settle for “the” instead of “tha”), the world is made a better place.

    And, more importantly, I felt you hadn’t washed your eyes out with bleach in a while, and it was about time.

  3. just pixels says:

    It’s kinda cute the way you noted “sic” in the original post and then restrained yourself in her profile!!!

    Meanwhile, don’t forget language and style evolve even if you don’t. Must I point out the obvious: “O [sic] Captain! My Captain”.

  4. Ben says:

    I use “O” all the time. Why, in an e-mail to a client just this morning I wrote, “O that the errors thou hath seen shall be ever fixed.”

    Nobody tells me I’m not evolving.

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