Overheard

Snakes on My Plane

On my way onto my Northwest Airlines flight to Phoenix on Friday, I passed a row of small, screaming children, who were having a heated argument with their parents about (I hope) which toys they were allowed to have while the plane sat at the gate. All I heard as I walked by was:

Kid #1: I want to see the snake!
Kid #2: It’s not a snake! It’s not a snake! It’s not a snake!

Somebody get those monkey-fighting snakes off this Monday-to-Friday plane!

(That, for the record, would be Samuel L. Jackson’s line from Snakes on a Plane as aired on television, according to the Internet Movie Database.)

Milk! But it Worked!

A friend of mine is studying in Italy, where (you’ll be shocked to learn) there are some cultural differences.

She just told me the story of the day she was running late to class, so she brought a modest breakfast along with her — a croissant and a small glass of milk.  This earned  her some strange stares during the lecture, and afterward a classmate approached her:

Classmate:  What were you drinking during class?

Her: Uhh… milk…

Classmate: (horrified)  Straight?!

On really rough days I take mine on the rocks with a twist.

This reminds me of my favorite scene in the musical Bye Bye Birdie, which we once performed in high school.  Young Hugo Peabody tries repeatedly to get a drink at Maude’s Roadside Retreat (where I portrayed Maude) but gets kicked out every time.  Later, he staggers out of the same bar completely drunk.  His mother is shocked:

Mrs. Macafee: Hugo Peabody, what have you been drinking?

Hugo:  Milk!  But it worked!

(For the record, I heard this story the day after seeing Sophie, who drinks over a liter of milk every day.  That just makes it funnier.)

God Help Us; We’re in the Hands of Engineers

Overheard on the D line yesterday evening:

It would be like Jurassic Park. I’d be suspended in Jell-o forever.

Don’t judge too quickly. With all the plot holes in that movie, we might well have overlooked eternal Jell-o suspension in there somewhere.

(I like best a scene when the power is all out so Hammond is eating all the ice cream so it won’t melt… while electric fans turn overhead.)

I’m Just Here for the Beer

Two Boston College girls were chatting on the street.  Said one:

At first I wanted to be a Biology major, but then I heard from Biology majors that it takes a lot of studying.  I couldn’t handle that.

What major do you suppose she ended up picking that doesn’t involve a lot of studying?

(And before you answer, keep in mind that underwater basket weaving is an actual skill.)

Hearing the Sights

A collection of events from Washington DC:

First, a scene at the Lincoln Memorial: A girl sits on the massive steps holding a camera in either hand, with her friend holding a third in front of her face.  “What are you talking about?  I’m smiling in all of these!” she insists in a thick Brooklyn accent.

Second, a moment at the Air and Space Museum: a man asks someone else in his party, “What’s that?”  His companion answers, “I don’t know but it has something to do with Saturn.”  This occurs beneath the full-size engine bells from the Saturn S-1C – the first stage of the Saturn V rocket that carried Apollo the moon.

Third, a moment at the Air and Space Museum: a man says, “Hehehehehehehehe!” repeatedly the entire time he explores the Apollo to the Moon exhibit.  Wait, that wasn’t overheard; that was me (and I kept it mostly in my head).  Besides seeing Columbia itself in the main hall, they have the actual flight checklists from several flights, and all manner of other genuine artificats from the Apollo age.

Plus, in the International Spy Museum I got to crawl through an actual air duct and look down at unsuspecting museum visitors.  At the time I was focused on keeping quiet in my role as Peter Wozniak the spy, but in retrospect I should have said, “Come out to the coast!  We’ll get together, have a few laughs…”

That’s How I Know I Hate Prison

Kid: “I hate college.”

Guy: “Are you gonna be a college dropout?”

Kid: (indignant) “How am I supposed to know?  I’m eleven.”

– Overheard on the Green Line

You may decide which of these movie quotes this real-life experience most resembles:

Option 1:

Guy: “What’s going on?”

Eric: “I don’t know.  But could you do us a favor and try to catch the lemur?”

Guy: “I don’t know how to catch a lemur.  I’m a dentist.”

Eric: “Well I don’t know how to catch a lemur – I’m nine!”

– Mr.  Magorium’s Wonder Emporium

Option 2:

Joey: “There’s gotta be a way that we can stop this from happening.  Ooh!  Okay, you come with me and you tell them that the house is haunted!”

Mackenzie: “What are you, eight?”

Joey: “Okay, let’s hear your great idea.”

Mackenzie: “I don’t have any great ideas.  I am eight.”

– Friends