Upon someone new entering the room:
Her: “I want to arm wrestle you!”
Him: “I’m leaving right now though.”
Her: “Wait, come back! I don’t even know who you are! You have to arm wrestle me!”
Upon finding a taker and beginning to arm wrestle:
Her: (yelling as one would yell “I’ll never give in!”) “I will not divorce you for tax settlement purposes!”
– Things said at parties
“You look like a Go Go Girl. (beat) It’s not a bad thing – I like Go Go Girls.”
– One coworker to another
I planned to link to a picture of a Go Go Girl for context, but when you Google that phrase (in Google Images) you get “Go Go Girl Sexy Adult Costume” in the first result, and “Go Go Girl Child Costume” in the eighth.
New rule: Anything that can be made into a “sexy adult costume” should be unavailable in “child costume” form.
It really hurts subscription sales when I leave a show and overhear someone say, “That’s the best I’ve seen them do in a long time!”
“That seems a little unusual because I had the same thing happen to me.”
– Coworker
After the Green Line crash last week, NTSB officials are in town investigating the accident.
Four or five of them were on my B train this evening with a CBS reporter and cameraman, and as we pulled into Boston College one announced, “Phew. We made it.”
Wait! The National Transportation Safety Board was unsure about whether or not my train would “make it?” I feel like this should bother me.
“Hey! You! Don’t take those!”
– Elderly woman to me, as I walked past a row of grocery bags on the sidewalk that she was clearly unloading from her car
Evidently when I’m not wearing a tie I look like a criminal element of some kind.
“Aaaa! I have no clothes on!”
– My Neighbor (heard from the hallway)
Guy: “I guess I don’t mind the F bomb…”
– On the way into Lewis Black‘s show
Girl: “I’m trying to stick to tattoos that mean something.”
Guy: “Oh.”
Girl: “So yours doesn’t mean anything? It’s just a random design?”
Guy: “Well, this one says ‘Mom.’ That means something…”
– B Line Train
Coworker: “How would you pronounce that word?”
Me: “Matte”
Coworker: “No! It should be Matté!”
Me: “Wait a second! You complained when I said ‘Frappe’ should be pronounced ‘Frappé’ – this is exactly the same thing!”
Coworker: “Yeah, but I know that one!”
It’s eerie how similar this conversation was with the interchange reported earlier that included a sixth grader.