Since the dawn of computing, people have joked that returning one library book late as a child will ruin your life in any number of ways: keeping you from running for elected office, showing up in a tax audit, et cetera.
Well, my girlfriend just tried to get a library card only to learn that when she was 11, someone checked out a book in her name and never returned it. Now they won’t give her a new card! My favorite part: this predated computer records, so someone specifically took the trouble to document this little girl’s missing book in the computer system when it arrived.
This is better, at least, than the man who returned a book 47 years late for a $171.32 fine.
The implication is that she has not had a library card between age 11 and today. As her 11th birthday preceded computerized library records, that would make her — I’m doing this math in my head because the calculator is a few inches out of reach — 1,000,000,011 years old.