I’m really beginning to like the nights that I lie down early and hear Sophie’s nighttime routine happening in the other room without seeing anything. Tonight, Mommy walked out to check on her and I just heard this:
Take off the purse. Take off the poodle. Take off the backpack. Take off the horses.
The purse and the backpack I get, but I’m afraid to ask how she was wearing a poodle and two or more horses.
Since the dawn of computing, people have joked that returning one library book late as a child will ruin your life in any number of ways: keeping you from running for elected office, showing up in a tax audit, et cetera.
Well, my girlfriend just tried to get a library card only to learn that when she was 11, someone checked out a book in her name and never returned it. Now they won’t give her a new card! My favorite part: this predated computer records, so someone specifically took the trouble to document this little girl’s missing book in the computer system when it arrived.
This is better, at least, than the man who returned a book 47 years late for a $171.32 fine.
Foodler lets lazy people (like me) order food online from area restaurants and have it delivered.
When browsing menus, the site highlights certain food terms and offers definitions. For example, if you don’t know what “chipotle” is, just click it to see the definition:
A brownish-red hot spice consisting of ground, ripe, and dried jalapenos that has a distinctive hot, smoky, biting, sweet, and meaty flavor.
When planning an order from Moogy’s recently, I noticed the word “broccoli” highlighted, and couldn’t resist clicking. Broccoli is:
Tiny bunches of tightly closed green buds growing from a thick edible stalk.
Let’s pause for a moment to consider our achievements as a society. As an average Foodler user, I’m already expected to lounge on my couch as I order food and have it delievered, without exerting more effort than I would in writing this sentence. Now, in addition, I’m expected to be unfamiliar with what broccoli is.
And if you turn your attention to the left, you’ll see the Morlock race evolving beneath our feet.
We lost some of our student offices to reconstruction this summer, and with limited space one manager briefly toyed with having staff share their offices with students. Though we managed to make better arrangements, the memory of this plan seems to linger. Today, someone in another department remarked:
I keep trying to clean my office, but I’m afraid I’ll get students in here.
I laughed, but he went on:
Well, the last time I cleaned, I got Kenny.
He gestured toward another desk in the corner, clearly once used by Kenny (another member of our staff), but now overrun with equipment so as to be unusable.
It’s like an infestation!