Megan Woolhouse reports in this morning’s Boston Globe on Craigslist’s “personal encounters” listings in the wake of recent crimes connected to them.

There certainly is nothing subtle about many Craigslist ads. For instance, a woman in Waltham this week offered “Wild N Crazy LippService” for $80. She did not specify what that entailed but also offered a half hour for $120, a full hour for $170, and an additional act that cannot be printed in a newspaper for $60 extra.

First, that phrasing is hilarious.  Second, my curiosity is now begging for me to figure out what, exactly, costs $60 extra if only because it’s information omitted from the article, but I know if I did Google would never forgive me for it.  I’d be getting “Wild N Crazy” ads for years.

Congratulations, Vermont, in legalizing same-sex marriages, in spite of a senseless veto from Governor Jim Douglas.  During the campaign to legalize “civil unions” back in 2000, those opposed to the new law ran the “Take Back Vermont” campaign, which inspired those in favor to proclaim, “Take Vermont Forward.”  Forward indeed!  Vermont has become the first state to legalize same-sex marriage through an act of legislation, instead of a judicial mandate.

A colleague joked at lunch today:

I was totally against it [same-sex marriage] until I heard it was optional.

But seriously, folks.  The Boston Globe ran an Associated Press story on the matter today, quoting Governor Douglas on why he vetoed the bill:

“What really disappoints me is that we have spent some time on an issue during which another thousand Vermonters have lost their jobs,” the governor said Tuesday. “We need to turn out attention to balancing a budget without raising taxes, growing the economy, putting more people to work.”

First, wouldn’t the legislature have resumed its economy-related activities faster if you hadn’t made them first override your useless veto (by 23 votes to 5)?

More importantly, the United States spends billions of dollars on weddings every year, averaging $20,000 for a single ceremony and upwards of $80 billion nationwide.  That money goes into wildly diverse markets and often to local businesses.  Services (florists, caterers, musicians, photographers), jewelers (for rings), real estate owners (for both the ceremony and reception spaces), other property renters (for furniture, tents, dishes), printers (for announcements, invitations, place cards, et cetera), and even the travel industry (for both honeymoon travel and for out-of-town family attending the ceremony) — not to mention the wedding industry’s own internal services like gown designers and formalwear renters — get enormous payouts every time two people get married.

Maybe some governors would rather Massachusetts get all that economy-boosting glory, eh?

A blurb on page B4 of this morning’s Boston Globe reads:

Members of Think Outside the Bottle took their message to the waterfront yesterday…. Hayley Ryan and Colleen Arnold dumped bottled water into Boston Harbor … to protest the large-scale consumption of bottled water.

Of all the Boston Tea Party reenactments (and there are many), I imagine this one has the interesting distinction of actually making the harbor marginally cleaner.

Milton J. Valenca and Jenna Nierstedt write in this morning’s Boston Globe:

Nearly half to the 200 Boston teenagers interviewed for an informal poll said pop star Rihanna was responsible for the beating she allegedly took at the hands of her boyfriend, fellow music star Chris Brown, in February.

Of those questioned, ages 12 to 19, 71 percent said that arguing was a normal part of a relationship; 44 percent said fighting was a routine occurrence.

This headline is on page A11 of this morning’s Boston Globe:

Homeland Security makes plans to protect border from violence

It’s just crazy enough to work!

Again disregarding the news itself in this morning’s newspaper and focusing on the advertisements, this one struck me on page B2:

Signup for a FREE in-school magic show for grades K-4.

“The Magic of Saving Power” is a spellbinding showcase on the benefits of conserving energey.  It’s hosted by Joules, the official NSTAR Energy Wizard, NSTAR’s master magician and energy saver extarordinaire.  Joules will dazzle your students’ minds with fun facts and teach them magic tricks to use at home to conserve energy.  The show lasts 30 minutes for classes of up to 50 students.

First of all, you get bonus points if you, like me, got halfway to the bottom of the next page of the paper before recognizing that “Joules” is not an actual name, but a play on the unit for measuring energy.

Secondly, what magic tricks do you suppose this entails?  I can certainly think of a dozen exciting Physics experiments that involve electricity off the top of my head.  Cook a hot dog in a couple minutes by applying a voltage across either end.  Make a pickle glow by applying a voltage to it.  Charge a large capacitor (1 Ferad will do) and then stick a screwdriver with a rubber handle across the contacts — big spark!  Et cetera.  However, all these things consume electricity, and frankly don’t even put it to particularly good use.

I’m a huge fan of energy conservation, but I admit it’s not very exciting — especially to children.  If NSTAR manages to entertain first graders by not using electricity, they deserve major accolades.

(At least two schools, and perhaps many more, have already taken them up on the offer.)

My favorite sentence in the entire Boston Globe this morning was not part of any article.  Rather, it was in a small advertisement at the bottom of page A16.  The line reads (emphasis and capitalization as printed):

PRESIDENT OBAMA has MOVED to a new address and so has Xtreme Action Paintball!

I understand that this is from the same family of advertisement that puts “SEX” in huge letters at the top and then says, “Now that I’ve got your attention…” yet I still struggle to reconcile the connection between President-elect Obama (hey, I’m writing at 8 a.m. and I won’t be the one to jinx it) and paintball.  Unless there’s something the Democrats aren’t telling us…

Bryan Bender reports in this morning’s Boston Globe about security arrangements for Barack Obama’s upcoming inauguration:

Because the biggest fear is a large-scale terrorist attack, the Pentagon will have on hand specially trained troops to deal with the aftermath of a chemical or biological attack, or radioactive fallout from a “dirty bomb.”

I’m glad we have people trained in handling the aftermath, but please somebody tell me we have other people trained in keeping there from ever being an aftermath!

Jonah Lehrer writes in the Ideas section of this morning’s Boston Globe:

Now scientists have begun to examine how the city affects the brain, and the results are chastening.  Just being in an urban environment, they have found, impairs our basic mental processes.  After spending a few minutes on a crowded city street, the brain is less able to hold things in memory, and suffers from reduced self-control.

This is particularly relvant to me because… wait… hang on, there was a reason… I just can’t remember it right now.

(Actually, the remedy Mr. Lehrer describes is to have more access to nature, even if it’s a view of trees from your window. So I’ll be needing a different excuse for poor memory and self-control.)

In the past couple years I’ve sensed a trend toward news reports telling us that some party in the story could not be reached for comment.  We’ve always heard the phrase “no comment” in the news, but lately I’ve seen more phrases like “did not return calls seeking comment” and “could not be reached.”

I may just be noticing this for the first time, or it may really be a trend in this direction.  (Reporters being more specific?  Trying not to bother people more than necessary to print the story?  Perhaps people just have an easier time avoiding the press in an era of cell phones and caller ID.)

Either way, this seems to be the pinnacle (for now) of this type of remark, from the Daily Briefing section of this morning’s Boston Globe:

A 22-year-old man with cerebral palsy was left on a school bus by a driver on New Year’s Eve and spent the entire frigid night alone.

…

Calls to a possible number for the bus company were picked up by an answering machine that would not accept messages.

Wow.  Calls to a possible number were picked up by an answering machine that wouldn’t accept messages.