People have gotten dumber since the last time I tried buying tickets on eBay.
Take, for instance, lmhjnd, who lists an item as “Jerry Seinfeld Tickets – FRONT ROW” and then admits they’re really in row P. Row P. Row P is behind an aisle… and twenty other rows. Awesome.
My favorite so far, though, is akillie, who offers two Orchestra tickets in an auction that ends 2.5 hours after the show starts. Which is basically when the show is over. You really haven’t thought this through at all.
I was just renewing my lease when I noticed this ad for a new building in Boston:
“Limited time Offer!
“Lease one of our brand-new apartments before March 31st, 2008 and receive up to ONE MONTH FREE! That’s a potential value up to $9,120! So you better hurry, this offer won’t last.”
By getting a single month free the savings are up to $9,120? Is this ad supposed to make me want to live there? I don’t know that much about math, but I’m pretty sure even with the one free month I’d still be spending $100,320 on rent next year. I don’t make $100,320 in a year, so that would be problematic.
“Dear Residents,
“… We are notifying all residents on your floor of a series of complaints we have received regarding an unusual odor. At this time we are unable to identify which apartment the odor is coming from and, as a result, feel it is important to heighten everyone’s awareness to bring about improvement.
“A smoke odor has been detected that is not related to cigarette, cigar, or cooking smoke. The odor is creating concern that perhaps an illegal substance is being smoked in an apartment.”
Nobody likes reviewing bank statements.
Until there’s a transaction labeled “US Treasury” and another labeled “Commonwealth of Massachusetts Tax Refund.” And then it becomes a happy event.
All day today I’ve had the nagging feeling the date is somehow significant. I kept dating new versions of source code, and every time “2008-03-14” came out, a quiet alarm rang in my head. “It’s 03-14! Do something about it!”
I’ve checked my calendar, I’ve dug into the depths of my memory. “March 14. March 14. 03/14. The 14th of March. Ten days after the fourth of March.” My every effort was stymied by some awful mental block. Surely if it were the 14th of February I’d have had an easier time. “Why, today is Valentine’s Day,” I would have told myself.
I’d nearly given up by lunchtime, when I opened xkcd’s blag. Today is Pi Day. It’s Pi Day! It’s 03.14. 03.14 15:09:26 in just a few hours. The 14th of March!
I don’t know whether to be proud I had the date mentally filed, however irretrievable the reason proved, or to be ashamed at the level of geekiness I have today exhibited.
Happy Pi Day.
Trains on the Green Line (as elsewhere) occasionally run express between two stops to help close gaps in service. They announce this ad nauseam for the benefit of clueless passengers. “This train will run express to BU Central. BU Central will be the next stop for this train. The first stop we’ll make is BU Central. If you need a stop before BU Central, get off now. Express to BU Central.” (Substituting wherever it is, exactly, we’re expressing to.)
Then about half the time someone will ring to request one of the stops in between. Conductors usually ignore this, though a few have yelled, “I said we’re going express.”
Today, our motorman just quietly deadpanned, “Will the passenger from out of town come to the front, please.”
My bank has sent me confirmation paperwork for the new terms of a Certificate of Deposit I rolled over. Technically this rollover happened two months ago, and it’s only a three month CD, but I guess it’s more important to produce massive amounts of paperwork than that anyone ever reads them.
This paperwork includes a booklet titled “Account Information.” It’s 100 pages long (50 in English, 50 in Spanish). That’s fine; there’s a lot of important legal information to convey in banking.
It also includes a second booklet titled “Account Information – Addendum.” It too is 50 pages long (50 in English, 0 in Spanish). In the era of computers they really couldn’t just merge these?
But the kicker is the one solitary additional page at the very back of the massive packet titled, I swear, “Account Information – Amendments to the Addendum”
Amendments to the Addendum! Amendments to the Addendum? Seriously?
At least now I know why it took them two months.
I have a confession: I hate drum solos. Sure, they start out exciting and cool, with lots of exciting rhythms building on each other. Invariably, though, the drummer gets either tired or just confused and starts banging things at random, so I tune out and start wishing someone would start playing other instruments again.
So when Eddie from Ohio (Eddie Hartness) launched into a drum solo last night, I was skeptical. I’m pleased to say I not only enjoyed this solo, but indeed liked it so much I’ve now set out to start listening to more of Mr. From Ohio’s solos on purpose.
Drummers everywhere, take a note: this is how it should be done!
Some people bemoan not having a date on Valentine’s Day.
Then there’s the woman who collects bottles from recycling bins on the streets of Brighton, who today acquired an unwanted companion… who kept stealing her reclaimed bottles.
There. I bet nobody’s sad about not having shoes now, are they.
“OooOOOOop, OoooOOOOop, OooOOOOop! Attention please! The signal tone you have just heard indicates a report of an emergency in this building. If the evacuation alarm on your floor follows this message, leave the building immediately. Occupants on other floors, remain where you are, and await further instructions.”
And then… silence.
So on the one hand, I’m in a burning building. But on the other hand, my floor isn’t on fire, so nothing can possibly go wrong.
For the record, as much as I trust the judgment of trained firefighters, watching them uncoil hoses and raise a ladder way the heck up the side of my building while I watch from my balcony, which I’ve been told not to leave, does not instill me with a great sense of comfort and safety.
This also reminds me of the Friends episode “The One With the Candy Hearts” where firemen tell the girls, “This isn’t the first boyfriend bonfire that we’ve seen get out of control. You’re our third call tonight. Valentine’s Day is our busiest night of the year.”