Found in the previous version of an application I recently replaced:
if ($print_year > 2005) {$print_year–;}
I can’t get out of my head the scene in State and Main where Joseph Turner White (Philip Seymour Hoffman) is studying a banner in the school gymnasium reading “Waterford Huskies, Division Champions 1971 1972 1973 1974 1976 1977.” He asks, “What happened in 1975?”
According to the Globe (June 19, 2008) a man back in December 2007 shined a green laser into the cockpit of a police helicopter, forcing the pilot to take evasive action. He was formally charged yesterday. What struck me particularly was the description of the laser:
The laser Sasso is accused of using was classified by the Food and Drug Administration as a Class IIIb laser, which can cause burns, temporary blindness, and distractions, prosecutors said.
“Do you expect me to fly with this thing in my eyes?” “No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to get distracted.”
I don’t mean to suggest that shining a laser anywhere near a person’s face is ever acceptable, just that “distractions” are not a particularly potent argument to advance.
I spend a lot of money on theatre and concert tickets, since I find those activities particularly enjoyable.
By far, the best $104 I have ever spent on the arts transpired as follows:
Were this any other event I might have employed some Synthetic Happiness. “I’m glad I missed that rotten concert,” I would have said. “The music was probably terrible, and it would have wasted my time.”
This being the Boston Pops I can hardly convince myself there was so much as a mediocre musician on the stage. Instead, I’ll settle for declaring that I enjoy giving away money. Hence, tomorrow I will be throwing $100 bills off the roof of my apartment. Linger on the sidewalk all day for a chance to get rich.
Blërg.
* The orchestra seats are too low to see the whole stage. While I agree music is meant primarily to be heard and not seen, I find enjoyment in watching great musicians at their work. The first balcony is much better, affording a view of the entire stage.
Sitting in Row A eliminates the chance a tall man in a hat will sit in front of you. The first three seats are in an awkward corner, but seats 4 – 23 (the first two sections) are all excellent choices.
The left side of the balcony is marginally better than the right – partly because we all know the brass and string sections are all more interesting than the percussionists (silly percussionists!) but also because Keith Lockhart (or whoever the conductor might be) will enter the stage in your view. People on the right side of the balcony have to infer his arrival from the applause of others, thus making them feel left out.
Over Christmas I discovered the joy of traveling from Boston to Burlington by airplane, cutting the trip down to a cool 60 minutes. Then Delta Airlines terminated its contract with Big Sky Airlines, who flew the route, leaving no direct flights to Burlington in my future.
Searching for a replacement, I found flights to Rutland and Plattsburgh on Cape Air. I deemed Plattsburgh viable and started searching for easy ways to get back across the lake. One option recommended was Greyhound:
| PLATTSBURGH, NY | 12:25am | ADP | 0297 | ||
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| RS EXIT 15 DENNYS, NY | 02:25am | 02:40am | :15 | ADP | 0297 |
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| ALBANY, NY | 03:20am | ADP | 0297 | ||
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| ALBANY, NY | Transfer | 06:00am | 2:40 | GLI | 4184 |
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| WORCESTER, MA | 08:25am | 08:30am | :05 | GLI | 4184 |
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| NEWTON, MA | 09:25am | 09:25am | GLI | 4184 | |
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| BOSTON, MA | 09:45am | GLI | 4184 | ||
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| BOSTON, MA | Transfer | 02:45pm | 5:00 | GLI | 9143 |
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| HANOVER, NH | 04:55pm | 04:55pm | GLI | 9143 | |
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| WHITE RIVER JCT, VT | 05:05pm | 05:30pm | :25 | GLI | 9143 |
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| MONTPELIER, VT | 06:25pm | 06:25pm | GLI | 9143 | |
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| BURLINGTON, VT | 07:10pm | ||||
…
Blërg!
We have the 365 Amazing Trivia Facts calendar at my office, featuring a trivia question every day. So far this year I have correctly answered two. One was a Star Trek question. The other asked what the word “mondegreen” means.
Today’s question read:
What was unique – and controversial – about the doll Growing Up Skipper introduced by Mattel in 1975?
Answer:
When her left arm was turned, she grew taller and developed small breasts and a narrower waistline. Her growth was reversed when her arm was turned in the opposite direction.
Sure it’s disturbing, but I bet more boys started playing with dolls in 1975 than any other year in history.
“You look like a Go Go Girl. (beat) It’s not a bad thing – I like Go Go Girls.”
– One coworker to another
I planned to link to a picture of a Go Go Girl for context, but when you Google that phrase (in Google Images) you get “Go Go Girl Sexy Adult Costume” in the first result, and “Go Go Girl Child Costume” in the eighth.
New rule: Anything that can be made into a “sexy adult costume” should be unavailable in “child costume” form.
Dear Firefox 3,
You have recently informed me that “didn” is not a word, by the subtle but helpful act of underlining it in red everywhere I use it.
I believe there has been a misunderstanding. I agree that these letters alone do not constitute a word, however when followed by an apostrophe and the letter T they form the contraction “didn’t.” This is completely valid, and might be used in the sentence, “Didn’t you learn about contractions in the third grade?”
Admittedly, the character Data in Star Trek: The Next Generation famously could not use contractions, but I regret to inform you that nobody (outside the show’s production staff) ever found this remotely plausible. If you can learn 170,000 English words, you can learn a few others that are spelled with apostrophes. This applies likewise to you, Firefox. Please do not make this error again.
Sincerely,
B’n
JK Rowling (which she herself has said is to be pronounced “rolling, like ‘rolling pin'”) gave the Commencement address at Harvard this year. Now you can watch online.
Delivering a commencement address is a great responsibility; or so I thought until I cast my mind back to my own graduation. The commencement speaker that day was the distinguished British philosopher Baroness Mary Warnock. Reflecting on her speech has helped me enormously in writing this one, because it turns out that I can’t remember a single word she said. This liberating discovery enables me to proceed without any fear that I might inadvertently influence you to abandon promising careers in business, law or politics for the giddy delights of becoming a gay wizard.
You see? If all you remember in years to come is the ‘gay wizard’ joke, I’ve still come out ahead of Baroness Mary Warnock. Achievable goals: the first step towards personal improvement.
That part’s funny, but watch the whole thing. This is the construction and utilization of language that makes English worth listening to.
(And yes, this is a point to Boston.)
It really hurts subscription sales when I leave a show and overhear someone say, “That’s the best I’ve seen them do in a long time!”
When I first moved in here I received (regularly) about two dozen catalogs in the previous resident’s name. These covered varied interests, but with a particular concentration in the field of “fluffy things.” I swear I got an entire catalog of pillows once – every page, nothing but pillows.
I of course dropped these subscriptions as the catalogs continued streaming in. This yielded conversations like the following (which I swear I am not making up):
Woman, Answering Phone: Women’s lingerie department, how can I help you?
Me: I’d like to unsubscribe from your catalog
Her: (beat) Err.. are you sure you’re not looking for the men’s department?
Me: (deadpanned) Nope.
This afternoon a new Dell catalog streamed in, so I pulled up Dell’s website to unsubscribe. Here are their procedures:
“To add, remove or update your mailing address from the catalog mailing list, you need to be registered on our e-mail subscription list. If you are not already registered, you can do so on the following webpage.” (emphasis mine)
That’s right. To remove your mailing address from their catalog list, you must first subscribe to their e-mail list. You can then unsubscribe from that too, but you have to be on it first.
Fortunately for all of us, they don’t do challenge-response validation of e-mail addresses, so I registered Mr. Not Gonna Happen (first name “Not,” last name “Gonna Happen,” no middle name) with his example.com address. He’ll probably enjoy the catalogs more than I.
Oh, and Dell? I did it all from a shiny 24-inch iMac. How do you like them Apples?