Author: Ben

Ben http://benjaminfenster.com/

Pops Sells its Soul

Last night’s Harvard Pops concert, Pops Sells its Soul, was a triumph musically, comically, creatively, and (in classic Pops style) cinematically, over even November’s Pops Risks it All or the ultimate measuring stick, 2006’s Pops Gets Cursed.

In this episode, the Devil (“Err… Mr. Cifer — call me Lou”) buys the Pops’ soul, which turns out to be masestro Allen Feinstein.  “Come on.  Your kazoo, accordion, bagpipe, and viola orchestra is waiting.”

The concert arced from Offenbach’s Orpheus in the Underworld to Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven, with stops at Devil Went Down to Georgia, Danse Macabre, a certain AC/DC song appropriate to the theme, and even a hilarious and unexpected (despite being plainly listed in the program) rendition of Limbo Rock.

Violinists Nora Ali, Anne Michael Langguth, and Martin Ye (collectively portraying the three-headed dog Cerberus guarding the gates of Hades), competed cooperatively over a single challenging solo part in Zigeunerweisen (there in a Vienna Philharmonic Women’s Orchestra performance); Nicholas Ward brought out the electric cello at one point; Tom Compton sang an absolutely hilarious number titled I’m Wearing the Pants; and before the night was over Rebecca Gruskin played a solo on a garden hose with a funnel attached in a composition Mr. Feinstein titled cleverly Hoseanna.

And they somehow managed to conceal until the last moments of the concert what should have been a painfully obvious play on words: the Devil hopes to sneak through the gates of heaven because he knows Faust — you know, Harvard president Dr. Drew G. Faust.  Blinding, isn’t it?

The only question, really, is why you haven’t given them money yet.

Just The Pass, Ma’am

A colleague stopped at my office on her way into work a couple weeks ago to report a wonderfully exciting new discovery on the Green Line: MBTA police implementing the very policy I’ve advocated since our fair city first introduced the CharlieCard.

The MBTA police, operating undercover, will watch people board at the rear doors, then show their badges and ask to scan everyone’s CharlieCards. Those with valid monthly passes quietly return to their books and newspapers.  Those with only stored-value cards (or no cards at all) get citations.

Although I haven’t seen any news reports on the subject, anecdotal reports from my coworkers and websites suggest the first citation is about $15.  For a second offense, the penalty jumps to $100 or $125.

I wholeheartedly approve!

I carry a valid pass, so I’m entitled to board any MBTA vehicle at any time.  I’ll happily prove that fact to an inspector whenever I’m asked.  Thus, let me board efficiently at any door.  Catching only a few people trying to exploit the leeway granted me and my fellow honest commuters can compensate for any lost fare revenue.

Famous Photographs

I stumbled upon a site called World’s Famous Photos, which starts out just enthralling and slowly becomes agonizingly depressing.

You might first get drawn to some particularly iconic historical photographs, like Raising the Flag on Iwo Jima or “Tank Man” in Tiananmen Square.  You might peek in on the lighter fare like the cover of Abbey Road or V-J Day in Times Square.

But in the end you won’t be able to avoid the September 11 attacks, the Oklahoma City bombing, and the wars, famines, fires, protests, and genocides that a century of photography has recorded and that now sit arrayed before you on your computer screen just waiting to be absorbed.

I’m Alive!

I visited my new doctor for a routine physical exam last week.  It’s a nice, modern office, with a computerized records system, complete with my lab appointments and lab results.  Glancing at the top of my own chart as my doctor reviewed my records, I noticed this field in bold lettering at the top:

Patient Status: Alive

Phew.  I was worried.

Traffic

I’m reading an absolutely fascinating book called Traffic by Tom Vanderbilt, analyzing what makes traffic happen, and what’s happening in our brains when we try to drive.

You may be wondering how it is that humans can even do things like drive cars or fly planes, moving at speeds well beyond that ever experienced in our evolutionary history.  … The short answer is that we cheat.  We make the driving environment as simple as possible, with smooth, wide roads marked by enormous signs and white lines that are purposely placed far apart to trick us into thinking we are not moving as fast as we are.  It is a toddler’s view of the world, a landscape of outsized, brightly colored objects and flashing lights, with harnesses and safety barriers that protect us as we exceed our own underdeveloped capabilities.

It’s got bits of civil engineering, bits of psychology, and reams of experimental evidence that all make me wish I were back on a highway just to see it all in action.

I guess I’ll just settle for reading a book about mass transit while sitting comfortably on the train in the morning.

Optional

Congratulations, Vermont, in legalizing same-sex marriages, in spite of a senseless veto from Governor Jim Douglas.  During the campaign to legalize “civil unions” back in 2000, those opposed to the new law ran the “Take Back Vermont” campaign, which inspired those in favor to proclaim, “Take Vermont Forward.”  Forward indeed!  Vermont has become the first state to legalize same-sex marriage through an act of legislation, instead of a judicial mandate.

A colleague joked at lunch today:

I was totally against it [same-sex marriage] until I heard it was optional.

But seriously, folks.  The Boston Globe ran an Associated Press story on the matter today, quoting Governor Douglas on why he vetoed the bill:

“What really disappoints me is that we have spent some time on an issue during which another thousand Vermonters have lost their jobs,” the governor said Tuesday. “We need to turn out attention to balancing a budget without raising taxes, growing the economy, putting more people to work.”

First, wouldn’t the legislature have resumed its economy-related activities faster if you hadn’t made them first override your useless veto (by 23 votes to 5)?

More importantly, the United States spends billions of dollars on weddings every year, averaging $20,000 for a single ceremony and upwards of $80 billion nationwide.  That money goes into wildly diverse markets and often to local businesses.  Services (florists, caterers, musicians, photographers), jewelers (for rings), real estate owners (for both the ceremony and reception spaces), other property renters (for furniture, tents, dishes), printers (for announcements, invitations, place cards, et cetera), and even the travel industry (for both honeymoon travel and for out-of-town family attending the ceremony) — not to mention the wedding industry’s own internal services like gown designers and formalwear renters — get enormous payouts every time two people get married.

Maybe some governors would rather Massachusetts get all that economy-boosting glory, eh?

Cheat Codes

When I first learned to program in Microsoft’s QBASIC language, one of the first things I did was add a cheat code to the Nibbles game that would let my snake could pass through walls.

Sophie, at age three, prefers the Mickey Mouse game to Nibbles, but her instincts are the same.  One of her games asks her to find all the shapes in a cartoon scene.  First, find all the squares!  Windows, sidewalk squares, fences, and even a suspiciously square tree are all valid choices.  Each one she clicks gets a colorful outline and some praise from Minnie Mouse.

She’s learned, however, that pressing the “I” key offers a “Hint” by outlining one of the shapes not yet found.  So how does she play now?  The moment she’s asked to find squares, she just holds “I” until they’re all highlighted and the game is over!

What I want to know most is: how did she figure that out in the first place?

You’ve Got Bread and a Toaster of Some Kind?

As I have very low requirements for restaurant service (bring me food; I’ll tip you well), our experience dining at Olive Garden this evening was surprising.  It was not dissatisfying so much as bizarre.

Sure, it was odd that our server offered to let us sample the wine without telling us anything about it, and we did find it disorienting when, after we declined, she snapped our wine glasses off the table and disappeared for several minutes before asking for our drink order, and I admit she could have offered us a bag to carry our three takeout containers at the end of the evening (though we would have declined anyway).  But we really didn’t mind any of that except in retrospect.

The drink order is what really got our attention.

My girlfriend began by ordering a raspberry lemonade.  This is how virtually all drink orders begin whenever I’m in a restaurant.  Whether I’m dining with her or with any of my friends, my companion seems always to order a raspberry lemonade.

I, as I always do, followed with, “Can I have a regular lemonade, please?”

Our server took a step backward and adopted the expression I would have expected if had I just requested, say, a plate of cotton candy, or, perhaps, a stripper.  With an indignant intonation to match, she retorted, “No!”

Silence overtook the table for a moment.  I timidly ordered a Sprite.

This being a blog, you may assume I exaggerate a bit here, but understand that I nearly walked out of the restaurant, which I cannot remember ever having done before finishing the meal.

But she brought our drinks and took our dinner order without worsening the situation much.  We stayed, and indeed enjoyed our meal.  (It’s the cooks who matter most.)

As we finished, the hostess seated a family of six beside us.  When our server asked, curtly, for their drink order, the mother prompted her children, “What do you want to drink? Milk?  Lemonade? Juice?”  A chorus of “lemonade!” encircled the table.  “Uh huh,” our server replied, writing it down, “lemonade… and for you?”

Northwest, Southeast, Westnorth

I recently booked a flight on Northwest Airlines.  They don’t fly a lot of routes that interest me, so I can’t remember ever having flown with them.  Here is their seat selector.  Which seats do you think are available?

Northwest Airlines Seat Selector

Northwest Airlines Seat Selector

Did you guess the blue seats are available?  Incorrect!  Those are premium seats available for a surcharge.

Next you’d probably guess the dark seats are the ones that are available to select, since they have the highest contrast.  You are, of course, again incorrect.

They’ve chosen white to indicate the available seats, thereby making the process as unituitive as they could manage.

Sophie is Cute (Exhibit G)

On our way home from the airport, Sophie found an opportunity to be cute.  Seeing a school bus — one of her favorite things — she launched into a detailed explanation of how she had to go to school, and was going to be late.  Halfway through, we had this exchange:

Sophie: I’m going to school!

Mommy: (playfully) Are you going to go away and never come back?

Sophie: (jubilantly) Yep!  And I’m not gonna miss you guys!

She later conceded she might start missing us tomorrow, but definitely not today.