Returning from my first trip to Las Vegas, I can now make several important observations.  The third is this:

Avoid The Sirens of Torture Island

Good experiences aren’t all about high prices. We went twice to see The Fountains of Bellagio, playing first (at night) a piece called Winter Games by David Foster, and second (during the day) Viva Las Vegas by Mr. Elvis Presley.

I could happily have gone back a dozen more times.  Of all the quintessential Vegas experiences, this was one of only a few that lived up to my every expectation.

In the conservatory inside the Bellagio, there’s a small model of the hotel, and in front of it miniature fountains that perform miniature dances.  This adorable touch cemented my perception of the Bellagio as a center of elegance in Vegas.

After seeing the Fountains the first night, we also stopped at Treasure Island to watch The Sirens of T.I. despite having been warned against it.

I knew in the first 30 seconds I didn’t need to keep watching, but by then the crowd had closed in around us and leaving would have demanded powers beyond our abilities. (People behind us foolishly tried to push their way through the crowd, cursing the whole time, but of course it was futile.)

We stayed for the entire show, as my brain cells killed themselves off voluntarily rather than suffer any more exposure to the event.

The plot has brave and daring pirates fighting to reclaim their captured crewman from the dangerous if lascivious sirens.  The pirates lob cannon shells at the siren ship, breaking it in pieces.  The sirens, in response (and I swear I am not making this up), do a little dance and threaten to put on lipstick.  The pirate ship then, for no adequately explored reason, sinks.

This show is new, replacing Battle of Buccaneer Bay, which I’m told was much better.  Allegedly the new show appeals to older audiences due to its increased number of scantily clad women.  As a straight man, by all accounts in favor of women being scantily clad, I can assure you that it does nothing to improve the experience.  We kept away from Treasure Island entirely for the rest of our stay.