I Believe Two Things

Typically, when joining public Wi-Fi networks, whether free or paid, users are locked in “wireless jail” until they’ve agreed to the terms and conditions of the service and, when applicable, paid for the session.

Bing's Wireless Jail

On most free networks, this just requires clicking an “I Agree” button after pretending to read the legal contract, and perhaps watching an advertisement.  I did find an amusing wireless jail page at Phoenix Sky Harbor airport last year, but at Denver International Airport this morning I got this ad (at right) for Microsoft’s Bing search engine.

The line at the top reads, “The free wi-fi session starts when a search begins.” And it’s not just marketing fluff; I really couldn’t start using the network until I’d conducted a search on Bing.

Wondering if anyone else had already commented on this mildly obnoxious tactic, I decided to search for the text that appears above the ad: “Wi-Fi access sponsored by Bing™” (with quotes).

Instead, Microsoft chose to run a search for \”Wi-Fi access sponsored by Bingâ¢\” which naturally found no results.

Bing Search Results

And thus, after just one (coerced) search, Microsoft has convinced me not to bother trying again.  Bing doesn’t even understand quote marks or special characters!  Good job, Microsoft.  Good job.

They might have exercised a little more caution in this particular advertisement if they’d analyzed what pages I was trying to get to in the first place: GMail, Google Calendar, Google Wave, Google Voice, and Google Reader — the five pages that open automatically whenever I launch (wait for it…) Google Chrome.

It’s like a little clue.

At the corner of Highway 119 and Main Street in Longmont, Colorado is this storefront, enticing passersby with some large signs (which appear here unedited).  One problem: I have absolutely no idea what they’re selling.

Incentives Available! Will Subdivide!

This is my all-time favorite grocery store aisle identification sign:

Ethnic Hair Care

I was reluctant to find out what products, specifically, one might find in this aisle, but its mere existence is awesome.

An advertisement in our local brake repair center offered this helpful bit of car repair wisdom today:

The Purpose of Brakes

Other facts they might feature on future posters: “Engines help you go!” and “Steering wheels help you turn.”

Sophie got a box of princess valentine cards to hand out to her friends — princess themed, of course.

Princess Valentines

The cards came in a box with two curious warning messages inside. First:

Caution: changes or modifications not expressly approved by the party responsible for compliance could void the user’s authority to operate the equipment.

And second:

NOTE: This equipment has been tested and found to comply with the limits for a Class B digital device, pursuant to Part 15 of the FCC Rules. These limits are designed to provide reasonable protection against harmful interference in a residential installation.

Are paper Valentine’s Day cards for children now more sophisticated than they were when I was a kid? They look exactly the same to me.

My girlfriend recently got this message in her voice mail:

This is Darren from Grand Canyon University admissions.  I just saw your application and wanted to know if you have any questions.

What a nice gesture!  It’s a friendly, no-pressure call to applicants, humanizing the institution and making the admissions office more accessible.

I have just one tiny suggestion.

See, Grand Canyon University has already made an appearance on this site once before, when in February of last year it published the Best PDF Ever.  At that time, I was researching the university’s commencement schedule so that my girlfriend and I could fly to Phoenix and I could see her graduate.

And that’s exactly what we ultimately did.  We flew to Phoenix.  We stayed at a hotel downtown.  We ate at neighborhood restaurants.  We even ended up walking seven kilometers in the desert heat on account of a poorly drawn map.  And on Saturday, May 2nd, I sat in a stadium and cheered while she walked across the commencement stage and got her Master’s degree.

So my suggestion to the admissions office is this: try to solicit questions from applicants sometime before they’ve graduated.

Apparently the citizens of Longmont, Colorado have been having some trouble crossing streets.  This massive sign sits beside a crosswalk on Main Street:

Crosswalk Instructions

“To cross street wait for break in traffic; then cross to middle island.  From middle island, wait for traffic in other direction; then finish crossing.  Note: Do not walk out in front of oncoming traffic.”

I love a city that needs formal signs warning its residents not to step in front of moving cars.

Walking with my girlfriend in Longmont, CO I noticed this sign at the top of a door:

Complete Business Services?

They offer everything! Unless, of course, your business uses five or more S’s.

Dear Bank,

Back in May your fraud prevention department contacted me to report what ultimately turned out to be a routine Peapod purchase for a little over $100.

It was humorous.

When you called me again today to report another possibly fraudulent transaction on my card I was less amused.  I assumed the lunch order I placed today for over $100 (covering my colleagues, who paid me back in cash) was the offending transaction.

Imagine my surprise when you confirmed what had really gotten your computer’s attention: a single online purchase from Peapod for a little over $100.

Peapod.

You know… Peapod.

Peapod!

Haven’t we been down this road before?  I know I recognize that tree.

In the future, please assume that all charges from Peapod are legitimate until I notify you otherwise.  I promise to alert you before paying someone else’s grocery bill.

Sincerely,
Someone who just wanted to buy food

Found in an old bit of code a former student in my department wrote:

<form action=”…” method=”post” onsubmit=”myfun();myfun2();myfun3();return submitSully;”>

If it just called myfun(), myfun2(), and myfun3(), and then returned Sully, that would be mundane.  But it calls myfun(), myfun2(), and myfun3(), and returns submitSully, and that’s just priceless.