Bing's Wireless Jail

On most free networks, this just requires clicking an “I Agree” button after pretending to read the legal contract, and perhaps watching an advertisement.  I did find an amusing wireless jail page at Phoenix Sky Harbor airport last year, but at Denver International Airport this morning I got this ad (at right) for Microsoft’s Bing search engine.

The line at the top reads, “The free wi-fi session starts when a search begins.” And it’s not just marketing fluff; I really couldn’t start using the network until I’d conducted a search on Bing.

Wondering if anyone else had already commented on this mildly obnoxious tactic, I decided to search for the text that appears above the ad: “Wi-Fi access sponsored by Bing™” (with quotes).

Instead, Microsoft chose to run a search for \”Wi-Fi access sponsored by Bingâ¢\” which naturally found no results.

Bing Search Results

And thus, after just one (coerced) search, Microsoft has convinced me not to bother trying again.  Bing doesn’t even understand quote marks or special characters!  Good job, Microsoft.  Good job.

They might have exercised a little more caution in this particular advertisement if they’d analyzed what pages I was trying to get to in the first place: GMail, Google Calendar, Google Wave, Google Voice, and Google Reader — the five pages that open automatically whenever I launch (wait for it…) Google Chrome.

It’s like a little clue.

On Christmas Day last year, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab brought explosives onto Northwest Airlines flight 253 in his underwear.  Passenger Jasper Schuringa put out the fire, burning his hands in the process, and then dragged the would-be bomber to the front of the plane to be restrained.  Nobody was killed.

Back in December of 2001, Richard Ried tried to light a fuse leading into the explosives his shoe on American Airlines 63.  Flight attendant Hermis Moutardier caught him in the act, and with the help of flight attendant Cristina Jones and other passengers subdued the 6′4″, 200 pound man, and restrained him with a seat-belt extension, belts, and headphone cords.  Jones remarked to Time magazine afterward:

Most of it was instinct, and the knowledge of the Sept. 11 attacks. I don’t believe I would have grabbed [Reid] the way I did had I not known about Sept. 11. I don’t know that the passengers would have come to my aid so quickly had they not known about Sept. 11.

Nobody was killed.

The attacks of September 11th, 2001, at the cost of of 2,976 lives, may have taught us the most valuable lesson we’ve ever learned: that apathy, complacency, and (above all) inaction can have greater costs than we might ever imagined.  We began that day with fantasies of terrorism where John McClane can rush to the rescue of anyone who sits quietly and stays out of the way.  We ended it understanding that even when resistance is as deadly as it was for the passengers of United flight 93, the consequences of inaction — of not being John McClane, if only for a moment — can be even greater.

While the Transportation Security Administration learned from Richard Ried that travelers need to remove their shoes before boarding an airplane, the public already knew not to tolerate lit matches on board a flight.  Even while we depend on police protection for our everyday safety, the police cannot be everywhere at every moment.  But Dr. David Benke and his peers can be — collectively — and can be able to act immediately in society’s defense.

One of the most moving and memorable speeches in Aaron Sorkin’s The West Wing (from 20 Hours in America) comes after a bombing at the fictional Kennison State University.  President Bartlett gives this address:

Forty-four people were killed a couple hours ago at Kennison State University.  Three swimmers from the men’s team were killed and two others are in critical condition when after having heard the explosion from their practice facility they ran into the fire to help get people out.

Ran into the fire.

The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels tonight.  They’re our students and our teachers and our parents and our friends.  The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels.

But every time we think we’ve measured our capacity to meet a challenge, we look up and we’re reminded that that capacity may well be limitless. This is a time for American heroes.  We will do what is hard.  We will achieve what is great.  This is a time for American heroes and we reach for the stars.

This is a time for American heroes, and we have them in abundance.

Phelps Shoe Repair

“Well, I did want new shoes, but I guess I can settle for a repair.  Ring it up!”

With the forecast calling for icy conditions throughout the day, we decided to cancel flights rather than wait-and-see with our customers in the airports.  Why?  Because on the suckiness scale, getting a call that your flight is canceled while you’re still at home, at a hotel, or at your family or friend’s house is a lot better than getting up early, going to the airport and waiting for hours with the possibility of flight cancellation to come. Still sucks. Just a little less.

I liked in particular this explanation for why aircraft are out of position at the beginning of the day:

That would work if we could park aircraft overnight in the cities affected by weather, but we try to avoid that.  Ice would build up on the wings overnight and it would take hours to deice all of the aircraft we normally start the day with at New York’s JFK, let alone Boston, Washington’s Dulles and the Mid-Atlantic cities.  So we put those planes in warmer weather ports for the night to get them to the frozen North first thing in the morning the day after the storm, then start the operation from that point.

I love logistical challenges like this, and I’d probably enjoy figuring out how to reposition aircraft in this manner to have the least impact on operations.  I don’t envy the planners who have to endure (albeit indirectly) the ire of stranded travelers who are entirely too willing to blame their airline for the weather, though.

Ethnic Hair Care

I was reluctant to find out what products, specifically, one might find in this aisle, but its mere existence is awesome.

Sophie: There’s a butt on Mommy’s head and Daddy’s head!  Run for your lives!  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

(30 seconds of complete silence)

Sophie: (deadpan) That was a close one.

It was like War of the Worlds for the modern era.

Magnetic Tape

I want to start using it for all my taping needs.

The Purpose of Brakes

Other facts they might feature on future posters: “Engines help you go!” and “Steering wheels help you turn.”

Princess Valentines

The cards came in a box with two curious warning messages inside. First:

Caution: changes or modifications not expressly approved by the party responsible for compliance could void the user’s authority to operate the equipment.

And second:

NOTE: This equipment has been tested and found to comply with the limits for a Class B digital device, pursuant to Part 15 of the FCC Rules. These limits are designed to provide reasonable protection against harmful interference in a residential installation.

Are paper Valentine’s Day cards for children now more sophisticated than they were when I was a kid? They look exactly the same to me.