Archive for the Overheard Category

Well, You Don’t Punch Me in the Face!

“Hey!  You!  Don’t take those!”

– Elderly woman to me, as I walked past a row of grocery bags on the sidewalk that she was clearly unloading from her car

Evidently when I’m not wearing a tie I look like a criminal element of some kind.

Gives “Peephole” Whole New Meaning

“Aaaa!  I have no clothes on!”

– My Neighbor (heard from the hallway)

You’re in for a Real Treat

Guy: “I guess I don’t mind the F bomb…”

– On the way into Lewis Black’s show

World of Warcraft, Upside Down?

Girl:  “I’m trying to stick to tattoos that mean something.”

Guy:  “Oh.”

Girl:  “So yours doesn’t mean anything?  It’s just a random design?”

Guy:  “Well, this one says ‘Mom.’  That means something…”

– B Line Train

Stop Dismantling the Language

Coworker: “How would you pronounce that word?”
Me: “Matte”
Coworker: “No! It should be Matté!”

Me: “Wait a second! You complained when I said ‘Frappe’ should be pronounced ‘Frappé’ – this is exactly the same thing!”

Coworker: “Yeah, but I know that one!”

It’s eerie how similar this conversation was with the interchange reported earlier that included a sixth grader.

Measuring Cost? No. Measuring Bugs? Also No.

“Is Windows Vista free?”

– Coworker (to me)

Oh! The Barbanity!

“I hate having to shave Barbie’s head to make her look like a guy.”
– Coworker

It’s a Uality Keyboard

“I’ll be sure to specifically discuss quality control the people doing data entry.”

– Me. To a client.

Smeg.

Whereas I Only Comprehend It

Teacher: “You are supposed to be doing a packet, not dismantling your pen.”

Student: “But I’m not dismantling it – I’m taking it apart!”

Teacher: “‘Dismantling’ and ‘taking apart’ are synonyms – they mean the same thing.”

Student: “Yes, but I understand ‘taking apart.’”

– Sixth Grade Interaction

I Didn’t Know Those Words Could Even Go Together

“Sophie! Do not eat the can opener!”