I Believe Two Things » Overheard http://blog.benjaminfenster.com A Blog of Musings and Mockery Thu, 29 Jul 2010 16:02:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 en hourly 1 In the Language of an Infant http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/12/in-the-language-of-an-infant/ http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/12/in-the-language-of-an-infant/#comments Mon, 07 Dec 2009 15:04:42 +0000 Ben http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/?p=1368 A colleague just returned to work today after the birth of his son. He described the process of learning what different cries mean:

It’s like learning a new language while sleep deprived and while the person teaching it to you is yelling at you.

]]> http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/12/in-the-language-of-an-infant/feed/ 1 Benefits of Retirement http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/11/benefits-of-retirement/ http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/11/benefits-of-retirement/#comments Fri, 13 Nov 2009 14:07:36 +0000 Ben http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/?p=1338 Overheard in the office:

About-to-Retire Staff Member: Are they serving alcohol?

]]> http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/11/benefits-of-retirement/feed/ 1 So, To Sum Up… http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/11/so-to-sum-up/ http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/11/so-to-sum-up/#comments Thu, 12 Nov 2009 21:03:50 +0000 Ben http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/?p=1335 Conversation at work today:

Colleague:  I have stories to tell about Cleveland!
Me: Does it rock?
Colleague: It does not.

That about covers it.

]]> http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/11/so-to-sum-up/feed/ 1 Give Me Back My Jacket! http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/09/give-me-back-my-jacket/ http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/09/give-me-back-my-jacket/#comments Fri, 11 Sep 2009 03:26:36 +0000 Ben http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/?p=1204 I heard this angry exchange between two women as I got on the T:

First Woman: I work hard for a living!  I work (expletive) hard to make money!  Don’t you get that?

Second Woman: Look, all I’m saying is: I don’t know anybody named John.

I can’t imagine how these two could possibly have been having the same argument. It reminds me of a Louis C K routine about arguing:

I decided that I’m gonna argue with this guy, but I’m gonna argue about something else. I’m not having his argument; I’m having mine. So, he’s like, “Go!” And I go, “Well give me back my jacket!” And he stopped. I was like, “Yeah, you got my jacket! Give it back! I said you could borrow it, not have it!”

(And now, as a result of this post, Google has “comedian stole my jacket” in my permanent search history.)

]]> http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/09/give-me-back-my-jacket/feed/ 1 Practical Applications of a Dictionary http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/08/practical-applications-of-a-dictionary/ http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/08/practical-applications-of-a-dictionary/#comments Sun, 23 Aug 2009 17:34:32 +0000 Ben http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/?p=1171 Overheard at Star Market yesterday:

Customer:  Do you have a paper cutter?

High School Student Clerk: (annoyed) What, like, scissors?

Although I’m disappointed in an education system that’s left a high school student unaware of what a “paper cutter” is, I should perhaps be giving her the benefit of the doubt.  Random House defines it as:

n. any device for cutting or trimming paper…

(She gave the guy some scissors, which he reluctantly accepted.)

]]> http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/08/practical-applications-of-a-dictionary/feed/ 0 Jack Bauer’s Worst Enemy? http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/08/jack-bauers-worst-enemy/ http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/08/jack-bauers-worst-enemy/#comments Thu, 20 Aug 2009 20:16:48 +0000 Ben http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/?p=1169 Heard at lunch:

I think I would be a great form of torture.

]]> http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/08/jack-bauers-worst-enemy/feed/ 1 My Motto http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/06/my-motto-4/ http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/06/my-motto-4/#comments Thu, 04 Jun 2009 21:21:28 +0000 Ben http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/?p=982 Quoth a colleague:

Please keep your hands, arms, and thinking inside the box.

]]> http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/06/my-motto-4/feed/ 1 Well You Don’t Know What Boys Are Like http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/05/well-you-dont-know-what-boys-are-like/ http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/05/well-you-dont-know-what-boys-are-like/#comments Sat, 16 May 2009 15:18:09 +0000 Ben http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/?p=854 Said a colleague to a gathering of men in the office:

You’re not girls.  You don’t know what high school was like.

]]> http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/05/well-you-dont-know-what-boys-are-like/feed/ 1 It’s Called “Freak You Out” Disease http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/05/its-called-freak-you-out-disease/ http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/05/its-called-freak-you-out-disease/#comments Mon, 11 May 2009 19:48:58 +0000 Ben http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/?p=905 I had my teeth cleaned this morning.  I learned that my teeth are still in excellent health, but on my way out I overheard another patient getting this news:

I’d like to send a photograph of this to use in our classes, ’cause what I’m seeing here is… well, come over here and take a look.

Any condition that’s so unusual they need to show all their students while they have the chance can’t be a lot of fun.

]]> http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/05/its-called-freak-you-out-disease/feed/ 1 I Haven’t Been the Same Since Hearing That http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/05/i-havent-been-the-same-since-hearing-that/ http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/2009/05/i-havent-been-the-same-since-hearing-that/#comments Thu, 07 May 2009 16:52:20 +0000 Ben http://blog.benjaminfenster.com/?p=902 Overheard at lunch:

I haven’t been the same since my mom gave me the dog’s arthritis medicine.

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