I Believe Two Things

Wow!  I found an instance where Feynman turned out to be wrong about something!

The Textbook League (no, I did not just make that name up) republished the part of Feynman’s book Surely You’re Joking, Mr. Feynman describing his participation in the State [California] Curriculum Commission’s efforts to choose new textbooks.

The commission did some phenomenally idiotic things, up to and including rating one textbook that was “printed” with entirely blank pages.  (They rated it favorably.)  Of course, you already knew that, since you have already read Feynman’s books.

As I reread it online, this excerpt in particular stood out:

They would talk about different bases of numbers — five, six, and so on — to show the possibilities. That would be interesting for a kid who could understand base ten — something to entertain his mind. But what they turned it into, in these books, was that every child had to learn another base! And then the usual horror would come: “Translate these numbers, which are written in base seven, to base five.” Translating from one base to another is an utterly useless thing. If you can do it, maybe it’s entertaining; if you can’t do it, forget it. There’s no point to it.

When this happened in 1964, there was probably no point at all.  Today, however, every software developer has had (at least once) to convert base 10 into base 16 or base 2.  Those like me found the exercise frustrating at first.  If only there’d been some sort of practice for this in the mathematics textbooks of my childhood!

(I’m mostly joking — surely! — but I do find interesting how that analysis might be completely different today.)

Years ago, a group of people sat down in a meeting where someone asked, “How much frosting goes on a cake?”  Someone then answered, “sixteen ounces, of course!”  And now every single time I bake a cake I have slightly too little frosting.

Everyone’s so focused on the incorrect ratio of hot dogs to hot dog buns that the frosting to cake ratio has gone almost entirely unnoticed by mainstream complainers.

It’s time to put an end to this.  Betty Crocker, Pillsbury, Duncan Hines, and the other makers of fine cake mixes and frostings need to reevaluate how much frosting belongs in a can.

(This message paid for by America’s committee for frosting re-regulation .)

I’ve gotten strange results from Peapod searches in the past.  Today, I needed to order new fabric softener sheets so I searched for “Bounce.”

The brand shows up correctly under “Looking for a brand?”

Then under “Looking for a category?” I had this (and only this) result:

Produce Cranberries

I think they’ve just invented the worst sport in history!

Hulu linked to an episode of a show called Superstars of Dance that it described like this:

Michael Flatley and Susie Castillo host week three of the international dance competition.

I won’t even link to the episode to lessen the risk that some poor, innocent person will inadvertently watch part of it.  Just after reading the description, thousands of my brain cells committed suicide to spare the rest of the mind from the trauma.

Let this serve as a warning.

The paper towel dispenser in my office is the kind with a bit of towel hanging down for you to pull.  Pulling it dispenses one sheet, and gets another started for the next person.  When there’s no towel hanging down to pull, one refers to the helpful knob on the side labeled:

FOR EMERGENCY FEED, TURN KNOB

Aren’t we being a little dramatic?  What emergency, exactly, do the manufacturers envision?  Moreover, what if I need a towel in a non-emergency situation?  There is no knob for “non-emergency manual feed” nor any instruction for emergency towel acquisition if the towel is already hanging there properly.

Did someone really consider the simple phrase “MANUAL FEED” insufficient instruction for that knob?

This is my favorite instruction (so far) for this year’s Form 1040 “U.S. Individual Income Tax Return” (regarding Line 33, found on page 30 of the instruction booklet):

If you were age 70½ or older at the end of 2008, you cannot deduct any contributions made to your traditional IRA for 2008 or treat them as nondeductible contributions.

First of all, didn’t most of us stop counting half-ages at around five or six?  Only our government still distinguishes between age 70 and 70½.

Disregarding that, this instruction tells the 70½-year-olds they simultaneously cannot deduct IRA contributions and cannot treat them as nondeductible.  They can’t deduct them, but they can’t say they’re “not deductible.”

Yeah… this will just be our little secret, okay?  We both know you can’t deduct this money, but if anybody asks you just tell them you could have deducted it, but chose not to.

Paraphrasing Galaxy Quest, “Didn’t you guys ever read the booklet?”

I had to interrupt a conversation with a colleague yesterday to ask why and when an alien spaceship and/or juicer had appeared on his desk, and whether we should consider it cause to evacuate the building.

Electroshock Therapy Device?

The device, shown here, gives every impression that it could vaporize you with a laser beam, or change your molecular structure.  In reality, it’s a gadget from a company called Secure Software that’s supposed to curtail cheating in exams.  It records audio and a 360° view of the room, and requires thumbprint identification.

Before the advent of this technology, students could cheat effortlessly.  Now, they’ll need to think for at least 20 or 30 seconds first.

For example, instead of arraying her notes and index cards across her entire exam-taking surface, Alice might have to conceal her cheat sheet under the table, or even write lightly on the table surface itself.  The 360° camera can see the entire room, but it won’t be able to pick up that level of detail, surely.

Alice might also record some notes on an iPod Shuffle, leaving one ear-bud dangling from the ear facing away from the camera.  With the Shuffle controls inconspicuously hidden underneath the keyboard, who would ever know?

Of course, Alice might just not be smart enough to take the exam on her own, even with illegal references.  In the old days, she could ask her friend Trudy (an expert in the subject) to take the online exam for her, perhaps for some compensation.

Now, she’d have to give Trudy a copy of her thumbprint first, which Mythbusters confirmed is relatively easy to do.

Or, Alice could just run the USB cable for the Almighty Overseer device to a laptop Trudy’s using in another room.  She’d tap her thumb on the pad, and then pretend to take the exam while Trudy did all the real work.

High-tech cheaters could even configure a Remote Desktop client so that Trudy could control Alice’s actual computer.

According to an Associated Press article on MSNBC, the CEO is fully aware that the device is imperfect.  That won’t stop me from maniacally delighting in the futility, though.

Of at least 1,200 movie clips currently on Hulu, these are the top 20 most popular today (as titled on the site):

1. Cocoon: Alien Sex
2. Animal House: Topless Pillow Fight
3. Bring it On: Bikini Car Wash
4. Porky’s: Shower Spy Hole
5. Epic Movie: Lazy Pirate Day Video (“starring … Sara Underwood as a pirate wench”)
6. The Ice Storm: Show Me Yours
7. Bring it On: Having Cheer Sex
8. The Girl Next Door: Fantasy
9. American Pie 2: Going Too Far
10. The Girl Next Door: I’m All Wet
11. The Girl Next Door: Who Is This Girl?
12. The Girl Next Door: Pool Crashers
13. The Girl Next Door: Porn Star
14. Beyond the Valley of the Dolls: Master’s Bathroom
15. Carlito’s Way: Get Me Naked
16. Epic Movie: Slow Motion (“Peter uses a magic slow-motion remote to watch a big-breasted woman run.”)
17. Epic Movie: Harry Potter
18. Epic Movie: You Got Punked
19. Bring it On: You Really Suck
20. Species III: Alien Breeding

Did you too detect a theme?

Only six items in the entire list do not immediately imply sexual content.  I included the clips’ descriptions for two of those in parentheses, which clears up the confusion right away.

Of the others, “Master’s Bathroom” features a couple bathing nude, “Harry Potter” has one character grab another’s breasts, “You Got Punked” has a woman flash someone with her back to the camera, and “You Really Suck” opens with a female cheerleader adjusting her underwear while a male cheerleader watches.

The next 20 don’t look much more promising.

I find our society deeply troubling right now.

I looked at the comics page in the paper for the first time in many years, and immediately saw today’s Non Sequitur.

Cooties Research Lab.  Unauthorized personnel subject to noogies.

For the record, I already made that joke.

As part of my ongoing Christmas travel planning, I’m exploring rental cars.

My credit card has an apparently common feature where they’ll insure any car rented using the card.  I can forgo the rental company’s insurance, theoretically assuming financial responsibility myself, but really falling back on the credit card if I’m in an accident.

I wanted to be sure I fully understood the terms and conditions, so I read the booklet that came with the card thoroughly.  It includes this passage:

Exclusions.  Coverage does not apply to Loss resulting from the following:

• Any dishonest, fraudulent or criminal act of the Insured.
• Forgery by the Insured.
• Loss due to war or confiscation by authorities.
• Loss due to nuclear reaction or radioactive contamination.
• …

Wow.  That list went downhill really fast.  The bits about fraud and forgery I expected, but then already in the third and fourth items we’ve slipped into war and nuclear reactions!

I admit I’m also struggling to envision what sort of nuclear reaction would damage the car, but would leave the driver intact and liable for the damage.