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30. June 2008 by Ben.
Kid: “I hate college.”
Guy: “Are you gonna be a college dropout?”
Kid: (indignant) “How am I supposed to know? I’m eleven.”
– Overheard on the Green Line
You may decide which of these movie quotes this real-life experience most resembles:
Option 1:
Guy: “What’s going on?”
Eric: “I don’t know. But could you do us a favor and try to catch the lemur?”
Guy: “I don’t know how to catch a lemur. I’m a dentist.”
Eric: “Well I don’t know how to catch a lemur – I’m nine!”
– Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium
Option 2:
Joey: “There’s gotta be a way that we can stop this from happening. Ooh! Okay, you come with me and you tell them that the house is haunted!”
Mackenzie: “What are you, eight?”
Joey: “Okay, let’s hear your great idea.”
Mackenzie: “I don’t have any great ideas. I am eight.”
– Friends
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27. June 2008 by Ben.
I walked up to the teller at my bank yesterday and had this exchange.
Me: “I’d like to make a withdrawal.”
Teller: “Do you have an account here?”
I don’t understand. Do they get a lot of people making withdrawals who don’t actually have accounts?
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21. June 2008 by Ben.
Upon someone new entering the room:
Her: “I want to arm wrestle you!”
Him: “I’m leaving right now though.”
Her: “Wait, come back! I don’t even know who you are! You have to arm wrestle me!”
Upon finding a taker and beginning to arm wrestle:
Her: (yelling as one would yell “I’ll never give in!”) “I will not divorce you for tax settlement purposes!”
– Things said at parties
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11. June 2008 by Ben.
“You look like a Go Go Girl. (beat) It’s not a bad thing – I like Go Go Girls.”
– One coworker to another
I planned to link to a picture of a Go Go Girl for context, but when you Google that phrase (in Google Images) you get “Go Go Girl Sexy Adult Costume” in the first result, and “Go Go Girl Child Costume” in the eighth.
New rule: Anything that can be made into a “sexy adult costume” should be unavailable in “child costume” form.
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8. June 2008 by Ben.
It really hurts subscription sales when I leave a show and overhear someone say, “That’s the best I’ve seen them do in a long time!”
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5. June 2008 by Ben.
“That seems a little unusual because I had the same thing happen to me.”
– Coworker
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30. May 2008 by Ben.
After the Green Line crash last week, NTSB officials are in town investigating the accident.
Four or five of them were on my B train this evening with a CBS reporter and cameraman, and as we pulled into Boston College one announced, “Phew. We made it.”
Wait! The National Transportation Safety Board was unsure about whether or not my train would “make it?” I feel like this should bother me.
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23. May 2008 by Ben.
“Hey! You! Don’t take those!”
– Elderly woman to me, as I walked past a row of grocery bags on the sidewalk that she was clearly unloading from her car
Evidently when I’m not wearing a tie I look like a criminal element of some kind.
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20. May 2008 by Ben.
“Aaaa! I have no clothes on!”
– My Neighbor (heard from the hallway)
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9. May 2008 by Ben.
Guy: “I guess I don’t mind the F bomb…”
– On the way into Lewis Black’s show
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