I Believe Two Things

The MBTA has published a document titled MBTA ScoreCard.  Acting General Manager William Mitchell writes on the first page:

With this ScoreCard we begin publishing the same performance metrics that we use internally to measure our progress towards meeting our service quality goals.

It’s 25 pages of mostly graphs, covering statistics on ridership, on-time performance, speed restrictions, dropped trips, maintenance, and safety.  Some of the data are woefully uninteresting.  Some are fascinating.

It’s not clear how often we’ll see updated ScoreCards.  The current document is dated “September 2009,” implying a monthly publication, but some of the graphs cover data dating as far back as January, 2004.  Even if this is the only ScoreCard we see, it’s a nice gesture.  Score one for Mr. Mitchell.

A colleague stopped at my office on her way into work a couple weeks ago to report a wonderfully exciting new discovery on the Green Line: MBTA police implementing the very policy I’ve advocated since our fair city first introduced the CharlieCard.

The MBTA police, operating undercover, will watch people board at the rear doors, then show their badges and ask to scan everyone’s CharlieCards. Those with valid monthly passes quietly return to their books and newspapers.  Those with only stored-value cards (or no cards at all) get citations.

Although I haven’t seen any news reports on the subject, anecdotal reports from my coworkers and websites suggest the first citation is about $15.  For a second offense, the penalty jumps to $100 or $125.

I wholeheartedly approve!

I carry a valid pass, so I’m entitled to board any MBTA vehicle at any time.  I’ll happily prove that fact to an inspector whenever I’m asked.  Thus, let me board efficiently at any door.  Catching only a few people trying to exploit the leeway granted me and my fellow honest commuters can compensate for any lost fare revenue.

For reasons that I shall leave ambiguous, I was perusing the (current) Boston Municipal Code yesterday. There’s some great stuff in there. For example, it’s illegal to manufacture or sell a mercury thermometer in the city of Boston, except by prescription.

Then there’s this restriction:

Whoever sells, or distributes, or imports, or loans, or possesses with the intent to sell … a book, pamphlet, ballad, printed paper, phonographic record, print, picture, figure, image, or description which depicts or describes … patently offensive representations or descriptions of ultimate sexual acts, normal or perverted, actual or simulated … shall be subject to a fine of fifty ($50.00) dollars….

Then there’s this regulation for street-railway cars (emphasis mine):

No person having control of the speed of a street-railway car passing in a street shall fail to keep a vigilant watch for all teams, carriages, and persons, especially children, nor shall such person fail to strike a bell several times in quick succession on approaching any team, carriage, or person, and no person shall, after such striking of a bell, delay or hinder the passage of the car.

That’s a point to me: my city built its subway and streetcars before anybody dreamed of having automobiles… and it’s still there today.

JK Rowling (which she herself has said is to be pronounced “rolling, like ‘rolling pin’”) gave the Commencement address at Harvard this year. Now you can watch online.

Delivering a commencement address is a great responsibility; or so I thought until I cast my mind back to my own graduation. The commencement speaker that day was the distinguished British philosopher Baroness Mary Warnock. Reflecting on her speech has helped me enormously in writing this one, because it turns out that I can’t remember a single word she said. This liberating discovery enables me to proceed without any fear that I might inadvertently influence you to abandon promising careers in business, law or politics for the giddy delights of becoming a gay wizard.

You see? If all you remember in years to come is the ‘gay wizard’ joke, I’ve still come out ahead of Baroness Mary Warnock. Achievable goals: the first step towards personal improvement.

That part’s funny, but watch the whole thing.  This is the construction and utilization of language that makes English worth listening to.

(And yes, this is a point to Boston.)

Dear Boston Ballet,

You keep sending me postcards inviting me to upcoming performances – Romeo and Juliet, Next Generation, and Swan Lake so far this year.  “Buy your ticket today,” you encourage me.  That’s so thoughtful!  You assume since I’ve attended performances in the past I might again in the future, and remind me in case I’ve forgotten to get tickets.

However,  you have failed to consider that people who have attended performances in the past often do again in the future.  That’s right: the very foundation of your marketing campaign is also its demise.  I already have tickets to all the performances you’re encouraging me to attend.  You could save paper by putting these ads on the backs of the tickets themselves, so after they arrive I can be reminded to buy them.
Or, you could take the time when compiling your mailing list to remove the names of people who already have tickets to the things you’re advertising.  This will keep you from looking stupid.

Sincerely,
Your Patron

Trains on the Green Line (as elsewhere) occasionally run express between two stops to help close gaps in service.  They announce this ad nauseam for the benefit of clueless passengers.  “This train will run express to BU Central.  BU Central will be the next stop for this train.  The first stop we’ll make is BU Central.  If you need a stop before BU Central, get off now.  Express to BU Central.”  (Substituting wherever it is, exactly, we’re expressing to.)

Then about half the time someone will ring to request one of the stops in between.  Conductors usually ignore this, though a few have yelled, “I said we’re going express.”

Today, our motorman just quietly deadpanned, “Will the passenger from out of town come to the front, please.”

I have a confession: I hate drum solos.  Sure, they start out exciting and cool, with lots of exciting rhythms building on each other.  Invariably, though, the drummer gets either tired or just confused and starts banging things at random, so I tune out and start wishing someone would start playing other instruments again.

So when Eddie from Ohio (Eddie Hartness) launched into a drum solo last night, I was skeptical.  I’m pleased to say I not only enjoyed this solo, but indeed liked it so much I’ve now set out to start listening to more of Mr. From Ohio’s solos on purpose.

Drummers everywhere, take a note: this is how it should be done!

Ira Glass: “From WBEZ Chicago, it’s This American Life, distributed by Public Radio International. To explain the idea for this week’s radio show I need to tell you about this date one of the producers of our show, Jane Feltes, went on recently.”

Jane Feltes: “He would use these arguments like, ‘He went to BU.’ I don’t know what… is that Boston University?”

Ira Glass: “Yeah.”

Jane Feltes: “Is that a good school?”

Ira Glass: “I don’t know.”

Jane Feltes: “I don’t know either.”

The Boston Globe reported yesterday on what city services would be closed in observing New Year’s Day.

“Retail stores: Open at owner’s discretion.

Liquor stores: Open at owner’s discretion.

Supermarkets: Open.

Convenience stores: Open at owner’s discretion.”

This implies supermarkets are absolutely open, regardless of their owners’ preferences. This, in turn, implies there’s a law mandating this, since only a law can keep a business owner from closing his doors pretty much any day he wants.

So what’s the law, then?

I walked down the street to get a snack.  Keep in mind it’s “late” at night, and colleges are all shut down for winter break.

The convenience store that’s always open ’til 1:00 am?  Closed.

The doughnut shop?  Closed.

The deli and the two coffee shops?  All closed.

But the ice cream store?  Still open ’til midnight seven-days a week. Not even the 35° weather can stand in the way of some good ice cream around here.